A guide to funeral etiquette (2024)

Traditionally, black is the most worn funeral attire due to its sombre colour and association with mourning. However, wearing bright coloured clothing to symbolise acelebration of lifeis becoming quite popular. To avoid any mishaps, consult the family organising the funeral, or dress neutrally.

Men typically wear dark-coloured suits with a collared shirt, black tie and formal shoes. Women usually opt for dark-coloured dresses or suits, with smart shoes and jacket if required.

Generally, guests are expected to dress in smart attire and avoid casual clothing such as jeans, hoodies and trainers. The most important thing is to be comfortable and dress for theweather. Churches and cemeteries can be very cold in the winter.

Find out more aboutwhat to wear to a funeral.

3. Who can attend a funeral?

A funeral service is usually open to anyone, unless the family has stated that it is a private ceremony. The funeral service is typically an opportunity for loved ones, friends and those who knew the person to say goodbye. If the funeral details have been publicly shared, you mayalso take guidance from these

4. What to say at a funeral

Though you may find it uncomfortable to say something to the family of the deceased at a funeral, it is always appropriate to extend your sympathy for the family’s loss.

All you need to do is offer a few sympathetic and kind words in an even tone or even share a fond memory of the person if you wish. It’s important not to say anything negative or make light of the person’s death.

Here are a few expressions that are appropriate to say to family members of the deceased:

I’m so sorry for your loss

They were a wonderful person and will be sorely missed

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

I’m here for you if you need anything

Find out more about what to say at a funeral.

5. Where to sit at a funeral

At a funeral, immediate family and close friends sit in the first few rows and then and then the remaining seats can be filled.

6. Should you send flowers before or after a funeral?

Sendingfuneral flowersshows respect and provides comfort to those in mourning. You may wish to have them delivered to the funeral home or to the home of the family of the deceased.

It is never too early or too late to send flowers, though if you are sending them to the funeral home, make sure they arrive on time for the day of the funeral. Even if you send flowers a fewweeks or months later, it still shows that you care and are thinking of the family.

7. How much to donate at a funeral

Some people may request charitydonationsin lieu of flowers, so you should honour that request. You should consider donating at least what you would have spent on flowers.

You may wish to include a note to the charity or association and send a card to the family andfriends of the deceased.

8. Should you visit the person who died at the chapel of rest?

Visiting someone at thechapel of restcan be quite distressing, but some find that it can offer closure - knowing that their loved ones are now at rest. Normally, this service is used by family and close friends only, but if you would like to visit, it is advised that you ask theperson who is arranging the funeral.

9. Should children attend funerals?

Children are able to attend funerals at the discretion of their parents. Often families choose not to take toddlers and babies, as they may be disruptive and noisy, especially if it is a long service.

If you are planning on taking older children to a funeral service, it is a good idea to prepare them beforehand so they know what to expect.

Find out more about taking children to funerals.

10. Who travels in the funeral procession?

The family arranging the funeral usually decide who will be in any limousines following the hearse. If people are travelling in their own cars, they can sometimes follow the procession orchoose to meet the procession where the service is being held.

Find out more about funeral procession etiquette.

11. Does the procession always leave from the home of the person who has died?

Traditionally yes, but the procession can leave from the home of a close relative. The family may decide to leave from the address where people will return to after the funeral. Or, mourners may decide to meet at the place of service. If you are not sure, check with thefamily or the funeral director.

12. Do people go into the church or crematorium before or after the coffin?

Funerals vary depending on tradition, where the service is held, and family preference. In church services, guests usually arrive before the family and take their place before the service starts. However, with funerals at crematoriums, it is more traditional for immediate family tolead the procession and then friends and other family to take their seats afterwards.

13. What happens at the end of a service?

When the service comes to a close, the minister will leave and everyone will stand to pay their final respects. The coffin, depending on the service, will then be lowered, carried out or hidden by a curtain.

The coffin may remain on view for loved ones to say one last goodbye before they leave. Family and close friends will then leave first, followed by the remainder of the funeral attendees. If it is a burial funeral, the coffin will be taken to a grave before being lowered into theground.

14. What happens after a funeral?

After most services, the family or friends organising the funeral will provide a get together, also known as awake, with light refreshments either at a home or in a private function area such as a pub or hotel. This is an opportunity to show support to the family and also share fond and happy memories of a loved one.

If you have any other questions or would like more information about funeral etiquette, yourlocal Dignity Funeral Directorwill be able to offer you all the help and support you need.

Sure, here's a breakdown of the concepts covered in the funeral etiquette article:

Attire: Discusses traditional funeral attire, the shift towards celebratory attire, and the recommendation to consult the family or dress neutrally. It details attire suggestions for both men and women, emphasizing smart dressing and comfort according to the weather.
Who Can Attend: Explains that funerals are generally open to anyone unless specified as a private ceremony, and it's an opportunity for loved ones, friends, and acquaintances to say goodbye.
Expressions of Sympathy: Offers appropriate phrases to express condolences to the family, advising against negativity or making light of the situation.
Seating Arrangements: Describes the seating etiquette, prioritizing immediate family and close friends in the front rows and ensuring the rest of the seats are occupied without isolating the family.
Flowers: Discusses the significance of sending funeral flowers as a sign of respect and comfort, providing guidance on when and where to send them.
Charitable Donations: Addresses the possibility of donations in lieu of flowers, suggesting donating at least what one would spend on flowers and sending a note to the charity and the family.
Visiting the Chapel of Rest: Discusses the option of visiting the deceased at the chapel of rest, mentioning it's typically for close family and friends but can be arranged if desired.
Children at Funerals: Advises on the discretion of parents regarding children attending funerals, especially considering their age and potential disruption.
Funeral Procession: Explains the decision-making process regarding who travels in the procession, whether in designated vehicles or following in their cars, and where it might start.
Starting Point of Procession: Details that while traditionally it leaves from the deceased's home, it can start from a close relative's home or the service location; suggests checking with the family or the funeral director for clarification.
Order of Service Entry: Explains the variation in the order of entry for guests in church versus crematorium services based on tradition and family preference.
Closing Moments of Service: Describes the concluding moments of the service, including paying final respects, handling the coffin, and the departure sequence.
Post-Funeral Gatherings: Mentions the customary gathering after the service, providing an opportunity to support the family and share memories.

These elements combine to create a comprehensive guide on funeral etiquette, emphasizing respect, support for the grieving family, and appropriate conduct during and after the service.